Have you ever tried to explain to children... well, anything? It's not an easy task, especially when it's something boring like tinnitus and hearing aids. This week I attempted to explain to two toddlers what tinnitus was and try to work out whether any of it had reached their understanding. How can we help the wild, noisy youngsters get it?
As you may have guessed from the recent holidays and adventures I've been on, the absence of the male species in my life and the time I spend working as well as writing this absolutely fantastic blog (don't you dare disagree), I clearly don't have any sprogs of my own. This, however, does not mean I am deprived the company of these wonderful miniature human beings. I do, in fact, have some beautiful friends that have managed to successfully procreate, and not pack their bags and run away from the stress, responsibility and craziness of having children.
Let's take a moment of silence in honour of these incredible women. I pray for you every day. Forever and ever, Amen.
Anyway... this is actually an ideal situation for someone like myself. It means I can spend time with their brilliant mini-me's doing all the fun, silly, joyous things that children love to do, then just p*ss off when it starts to get even a smidge stressful. Enthusiastically shouting "BYE!" with a big, fat smile on my face as I close the door behind me. Sorry girls, but, see ya later!
Well, this week I had the privilege of being trusted to take care of one of my favourite lady's two young daughters, so she could go out on a much deserved night on the tiles with her husband. I imagine the potty training and tantrums over socks can get a bit tedious at times, so I'm sure a few (loads of) drinks and being able to swear in every sentence would be considered paradise for them.
As they say, "not all heroes wear capes" (I do though, it's black and studded with a skull on it).
The young girls are genuinely hilarious, so 'looking after them' doesn't feel like much of a chore, and they seem to be pretty damn excited the minute I am the only responsible (debatable) adult left on the premises. As I get totally wrapped up in their excitement and start chanting "party time, party time on a Saturday night", they join in and jump around the room wiggling their teeny tiny little butts off. Now, I don't know if you've ever seen a toddler in a nappy and onesie wiggle their bum, but I can guarantee it's one of the cutest things you'll witness. I actively encourage it. Go find your nearest toddler and command them to wiggle, now!
Unfortunately, we are not here to talk about cute pyjama-ed children, oh no, we are here for the bit where I had wound them up like two jack in the box's, resulting in a chorus of high pitched screaming. Joyous screaming, but screaming none-the-less. Immediately regretting how fun I am. Cue ear onslaught. Tinnitus absolutely does not like screaming, and don't even get me started on the hearing aid acting like its a karaoke microphone held too close to a speaker! I had to stop them, and quick!
Note to self: If you try to go from the "fun one" to the "serious one" within a minute, kids don't believe you.
As I am always proactive in trying to teach children something when given the opportunity, I began my long winded explanation about why their high pitched screams can make my tinnitus worse, what tinnitus means along with a visual demonstration of my hearing aids, just falling short of whipping out a power point demonstration and giving them a written exam. As you can imagine, these kids being 2 and 5, I was met with blank stares. Half an eye on the TV kind of stares. I'm sure the youngest one even yawned. So I concluded, confidently and clearly with "don't scream, it hurts my ears, thanks". And you know, they didn't scream again once. I'm like the child whisperer (in a non creepy way). So turns out that's all I actually needed to say from the beginning, simple and effective. Bravo everybody!
Disclaimer: Not all children will do as they're told. These ones just happen to be particularly well behaved. No responsibility will be taken for failed attempts of my otherwise successful theories.
So there we have it, you can tell anyone around you how to make small adjustments, like screaming at the top of their lungs, in order to help manage your tinnitus, no matter how big or small.
Plus, my demands were kindly supported the following morning when "mum" dragged herself out of bed, looking rather dishevelled I might add, telling her offspring the minute they made a noise "be quiet, you'll hurt Jess' ears". It definitely had nothing to do with her hangover...